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new year, who dis?

12/28/2018

I’m a sucker for fresh starts: a new chapter, a blank slate, and especially a New Year. Don’t ask me why, but something about it makes me want to sing “Unwritten” by Natasha Beddingfield and shoot some fireworks until the cows come home. Actually, I’m terrified of fireworks so I don’t know why I said that. But a fresh start? I’m all about it.

I always have. I made my first New Years resolution when I was, like, seven. And I’ve been making (and failing) them ever since. You know the girl who goes to the gym in January and then vanishes in mid-air come February 1? I am that girl. Or the person who talks a big talk about intermittent fasting, dropping soda, and doing Keto? Also, me. Which is crazy because I don’t even know what Keto is.

I say all of this to let you know that, I, despite my efforts, am no goal-setting, inspirational boss lady who can convince you to eat clean and do Crossfit. It’d be a miracle if I could convince myself to do that. So while I can’t offer you health tips and tricks for the New Year or inspire you to run a marathon, I can be honest and authentic about areas in my life that need improving and expose myself on the internet to hopefully encourage you. Yay blogging!

Here are the things I’m not bringing with me in 2019:

Negative self-talk: Perhaps first on the list because it’s just that important. I’m not proud of it, but I’m the queen of this bad habit. While I tend to disguise it as just self-deprecating humor, it’s 2019 and I’m leaving it behind in the New Year. If I spoke to others the way I spoke to myself, I would be the world’s most hated woman and if I wouldn’t say it to my best friend, I shouldn’t say it to myself. So see ya never statements like, “Wow your face is REALLY broken out today!” And HELLO, “You’re no Kate Upton, but you look gooooood today!” It’ll be a work in progress.
Passivity: Yeah, I’m talking to YOU, McKenna. You’ve become entirely too comfortable with putting things off. “I’ll do it tomorrow” is a mantra you’ve lived by for far too long. Delaying dreams, avoiding responsibility, and waiting until “tomorrow” to take care of things that should have been handled, like, yesterday. Procrastination and passivity have gotten you to this point, but let’s be real, barely. It’s time to start taking action, facing things head on and showing your passive tendencies who’s boss. Me. The boss is me. Just to clear up any confusion.
Dwelling in disappointment: Ouch. This one hurts to let go. Why? Because I tend to find comfort in dwelling in disappointment. It feels good to hang on to a little bitterness when I’ve been wronged. It feels right to sit in a puddle of self-pity when something disappointing happens. We spend so much time playing the world’s smallest violin for ourselves that we miss out on the joys of that day. I don’t want to be a person that sulks. I want to be a person that seeks joy, even in the midst of disappointment.
Falling victim to the comparison trap: If I could underline this one and circle it three times, I would. Imagine I did that, for visual effect. In 2019, I don’t want to be a comparer. I don’t want to measure the success of my life with the successes of others. Sure, Karen is engaged, Maren’s popping out a baby, and Sharon just got a promotion, but my life is completely on track. I’m not “behind” or “losing” because I’m in a different season than them. I don’t want to fall victim to the comparison trap because I want to be genuinely happy for my friends who are in those different seasons. No, not pretending to be happy but secretly wishing it was me in their shoes, but truly rejoicing with them and cheering them on like an overzealous soccer mom.
Avoiding rest: If you know me, you’re probably confused by this one because from the outside, I have no trouble resting. I sleep in until 10:30 every time I get the chance and I take power naps like it’s my day job. But what you might not know about me is that I can’t stand downtime. Christmas Break actually freaks me out because there’s so much free time that I don’t know what to do with myself. If my day isn’t filled with activity, I get thrown off. I’ll fill my time with meaningless distractions in order to keep from being idle. It’s the same way in my spiritual life. But the Lord is teaching me that rest doesn’t mean laziness, unproductivity, or weakness. Rather, it’s a state of mind that chooses to meditate on the promises of God. And THAT is something I’ll be bringing with me in 2019.

If you haven’t set aside some time to reflect on the past year, you’ve got approximately three days left in the year to do so. Find out which habits in your life need to be left behind and give them one big ole “TTFN!” You are the only person responsible for you, so if you want to see a change in your life, start changing! Alexa, play "Man in the Mirror."

Happy New Year, hunnies! Let's kick 2019 in the face.

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to the girl who hated her first semester of college

12/14/2018

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To the girl who hated her first semester of college:

Wait, what? Is that even possible? You’ve flown the nest with big plans to make a plethora of new friends, obtain a 4.0 GPA and an out-of-state boyfriend in the span of a semester. You planned on finding the perfect church, joining the best extracurriculars and landing that on-campus job you wanted by at least week two or three. Every day would be a party: new, exciting, and filled with Cookout quesadillas and iced coffee. You would wonder how on earth you lived in your boring hometown for 18 years.

Maybe your plans prevailed. Your new friends are visiting you over break and you passed your Gen Eds with ease. But what happens when your plans flop? When the college you chose doesn’t feel like a perfect match after all? When you go a whole semester without finding those future-bridesmaid friendships everyone told you you’d find in college? When you miss home? When you feel alone and stressed and low-key miserable every day? Well, honey, that was me. And maybe, if you’ve clicked on this blog post because of its title, it’s you too.

For me, being home for Christmas break felt like being at Disney World compared to being at school. (Never been to Disney, but I’ve heard stories and have a remarkable imagination) I hated being at school. I wasn’t thriving in the slightest. Over break, I exchanged stories with friends from home about our first semesters. They beamed with pride about their colleges. They told hilarious stories about their hallmates. They explained how they just couldn’t wait to get back to school. I didn’t get it. They wanted to go back? I was begging God to slow down time so I wouldn’t have to. But of course, I would never tell anyone that. I needed people to think I was thriving like everyone else, so I posted the pictures and pretty much just lied through my teeth when people asked me how I was adapting. “It’s great! I love it! Yay college!”

If you’re reading this and relating to everything I’m saying, hi and welcome to “My Freshman Year Was Not What I Thought it Would Be” support group. This is a safe space. First off, know that you are not alone. I know it feels like you’re the only person in the world who isn’t head over heels in love with freshman year, but I promise you, you aren’t. Think about it. When you started college, you probably moved to a brand new city where you knew a handful of people, if that. You’re surrounded by strangers, trying to manage a college course load for the first time, and living in a little cement box that feels like a prison cell with stringed lights. Give yourself some credit, starting college is hard and whether you realize it or not everyone is struggling to adjust in one way or another.

If I could tell my freshman year self three things, this is what I would say:

Your path may not look like everyone else’s and that’s OK. Go ahead and get rid of the idea that you’re going to have a seamless college career. Embrace the fact that there will be bumps in the road and maybe even a few detours. You may contemplate changing your major. It may take you a semester or two to find your niche. You may end up transferring to a school that is a better fit for you. And that’s 100% completely and absolutely OK. Everyone’s path is going to look different. Don’t fall victim to the comparison trap like I did.
Press into the Lord more than ever. When I was wrestling with my decision to transfer, I started seeking the Lord intentionally and faithfully more than I ever had before. I learned so much about myself and the goodness of God during that season of loneliness and confusion. If you’re being stretched and challenged, know that growth is coming. Even in the midst of a difficult season, God can (and will) use it for good.
It gets better. It really does. Whether that means you transfer to a new school or find your place at your current one, rest in the fact that God is the ultimate provider. He will give you what you need. He will fulfill you. Seek Him and trust His perfect timing. If you are walking with Jesus, there’s no way you could possibly be on the wrong path.

So from one girl who hated her first semester of college to another, hang in there! Good things take time. Be patient, seek the Lord, and make the most of this challenging season. One day, you'll look back and see God's faithfulness clearer than ever before. And you'll realize that things work out the way they should, when they should and how they should. I promise.

xoxo,

A girl who hated her first semester of college

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new year, who dis?

to the girl who hated her first semester of college

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